Germany Does Everything Wrong!
by luffyluffy
Summary: A collection of drabbles where Germany's various flaws get pulled into view. Humor.
1. Tin Fwoil

Germany and Italy sat together on the small bench near the track where they trained, slowly eating their lunch. Germany dined on sausages while Italy slurped up spaghetti, getting pasta sauce on his chin. Germany took a napkin and rubbed his chin, getting it all off, tutting to himself about the situation. "Italy, please learn how to eat neatly." He requested quietly, and Italy squealed in agreement. "Si si! I promise Germany!" He giggled and the two of them returned to eating, exchanging friendly chatter every now and then. Germany pulled down his sleeve and checked his watch. "Italy, it's time to get back to training." He said, pushing his food to the side and standing up. Italy whined, bouncing on his butt in the seat. "But Gerrmaaanyyy! I didn't finish!" Germany groaned and rubbed his temples.  
"Ja ja.. Alright, take my food and your food and wrap them up." Italy jumped up, grabbing the two paper plates. "Grazie Germany!" he smiled and ran off. He vanished for a few minutes, before Germany went to look for him, worried. "Italy, what's taking so—" Italy was in the kitchen. He had taken the pasta and the sausages and mixed the two together, and was about to cover it with tin foil. Immediately, Germany sprung into action. "ITALY NEIN!" he lept forward and yanks the tin foil from his hands. "One does NOT use tin fwoil to cover a plate full of sausages!" Italy stared at him, unmoving. "You should use plastic wrap to cover these things." He got flustered then and smacked the tin foil down, before walking off to find the plastic wrap. Italy licked his lips. "Germany.. say tin foil." Germany frowned, preoccupied by his search for plastic wrap. "Fine, tin fwoil." Italy smiled. "Again!"

"Tin fwoil!"

"No no~ Germany, say Tin foil!"

"Italy…." He grit his teeth! "TIN FWOIL!" he roared like a vicious lion. Italy grabbed his stomach, doubling over in silent laughter. Germany returned with the plastic wrap and gave the Italian a glare. "Like this Italy." He covered the plate with the plastic wrap and placed it in the fridge. "Italy, why don't you stop laughing?" he was staring directly at the Italy who was leaning on the counter for support. Italy spun, wiping tears from his eyes and shook his head. "I wasn't laughing at Germany! I was laughing at… Uhh.. at the toaster! It's such a fun shape!" He laughed nervously. Germany groaned in German, before grabbing Italy's arm. "Come now, we have to resume training." Italy walked with him, still chuckling, and the two of them returned jogging.


	2. Diarrhea

"Italien!"

The German's angry voice carried though the backyard of the military building where the Axis did their training. "ITALIEN, YOU GET OUT HERE RIGHT NOW!" Germany barked louder, his voice penetrating all aspects of the backyard. Out of building Italy ran out, holding his stomach. "Scusi Germany!" he hopped into place! "I had some diarrhea because of your stinky sausages!" Germany twitched. "D-Diarrhea..?" Italy nodded, waving his arms. "Si si! Big diarrhea! It was stinky too!"

Germany stooped slightly, and puts a hand over his eyes. His shoulders heaved and he hung his head low. Japan walked over, patting his back. "Doitsu-taicho, are you okay?" Germany smacked his arm away, and a strange sound drifted from him. Italy skipped over, worried. "G-Germany.. is everything okay?" The German leaned against the wall, and his knees crumpled, the strange noises continuing. "Germany.. A-Are you mad?" Italy whimpered, thoroughly afraid that the German was angry. "Are you angry at my diarrhea?"

That was when Germany snapped. He hit the ground and rolled back, laying on the ground clutching his stomach. "PFFFTTTT—HAHAHAHAHAAHAH!" He laughed and laughed and laughed, until he began to wheeze from forgetting to breathe. Japan shook his shoulder and he slowly stopped, wiping tears from his eyes. "Es tut mir lied, I was… overcome." He stood up and fixed his uniform, adjusting his tie and brushed dirt off his knees. The composed man was back and in control. Italy stared at him, biting down on his lip. "Alright men! It's time to train! Come with me!"

Italy whimpered and followed after him, thoroughly confused by what had just happened.

* * *

This chapter of Germany failing at life is dedicated to my veryveryveryvery best friend Angela.

Now, seeing as I'm out of idea's, I'd like YOU the reviewer to drop me any ideas. I'll write pretty much anything, as long as it's simple! When I write your chapter, I'll dedicate that one to you! Thanks :D luffyout!


	3. PIN

Just a note, this one is AU, just in order for it to work, alright?

* * *

"C'mon bruder, before we head to the bookstore, we need to get some money from the bank."

The German and Prussian walked into the bank and Ludwig stepped up to the ATM, putting in his credit card. His fingers hovered over the keypad.

"Bruder, what's your PIN Number? I need it to get the money."

Gilbert stared at him. "West.. what did you say?" Ludwig shifted, keeping an eye on the mirror. "I need the PIN Number to access your account."

Gilbert gave him an ugly glare. "West, you dummkoph, that's redundant." Confusion twisted Ludwig's face. "Bruder, what are you talking about, just give me the PIN Nu—"  
Gilbert put a finger against Ludwig's lips. "West, what does PIN stand for?"

Ludwig stood there dumbly, before Gilbert sighed, scraping his scalp with his nails. "West, it stands for:

Personal  
Identification  
Number

See?" he pointed to the text that appeared above him in pink letters as he spoke. "So saying

Personal  
Identification  
Number

Number, is redundant. That'll be six dollars for your learning." He held out his hand. Ludwig stood there dumbfounded before putting his credit card in Gilbert's hand, raising his own.

"That's right West, let alte bruder do all the work." He smiled and entered his PIN, taking out a sum of money and dragging Germany back to the car.


	4. Bedtime Stories

Well, it's AU again. SORRY, THIS CHAPTER ISN'T AS NICE AS THE OTHER ONES. Being sleep deprived does that to you.

* * *

"We'll be back around 11. Thank you for doing this Ludwig, we're very grateful."

Ludwig smiled, and ruffled his young charge's hair.

"Oh, it's no problem Aunt Anna. After all, I do love my cousin Pauli."

Pauli laughed and tried to escape Ludwig's hands. Pauli's mother smiled and closed the door. The babysitting venture proceeded well, and soon enough it was time for Pauli's bedtime.

"Pauli! Time for bed!"

The built German man walked out of the kitchen, drying his hands with a dish towel. The nine year old boy looked up from his place in front of the TV and whined.

"Not yet Ludwig!"

He cried, and waved his truck around.

"Come and play with me!"

Ludwig chuckled and placed the dish towel down on the counter before walking over and scooping him up.

"Sorry, but not this time."

Ludwig started to ascend the stairs on socked feet.

"In bed by nine. I promised Aunt Anna."

They reached the top of the stairs and then Ludwig slipped into his cousin's room. Then, he got his cousin ready for bed, helping him into his PJ's, watching him as he brushed his teeth, and eventually tucked him in.

"Ludwig, tell me a bedtime story!"

Pauli demanded, hugging one of his stuffed animals. Ludwig paused, and cocked his head, looking to the heavens.

"What should I tell you..? Hmmmmmm."

He stroked his chin, before making a small 'Ah' noise and looking down to his cousin.

"Once, there was a boy in Germany, who liked to suck his thumbs."

Pauli blinked, and looked down at his own thumbs. He flexed them and looked back to his cousin.

"His mother told him not to suck his thumbs."

His cousin continued, tapping his own thumb as he talked.

"But he wouldn't. So.."

He smiled, revealing a few teeth. Pauli shrunk, hiding behind his teddy. The German leaned forward.

"So she cut them off!"

He held up his hands and folded the thumbs down behind the back of his hand, hiding them. Pauli gasped in fright.

"Now, he has no thumbs. Goodnight!"

And with that, Ludwig got up and strode purposefully out of the door, pausing to turn out the light and close the door, leaving his poor cousin Pauli to tremble in the dark.


End file.
